This Kid 


In the past 24 hrs. he has gotten grounded from his phone, told me I had pretty eyes, sat on my lap just to fart on me, asked me where babies come from and burped the entire Adele song “Hello”. 

My life would be absolutely incomplete without this hoodlum.  

He’s one of a kind. ūüíô

September

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There is something about a cool September morning.   The subtle hints of pending Autumn were all around this morning as I took my morning walk.   Soon the trees will yield my favorite colors as reds, yellows, bronze and hints of burgundy fill the West Virginia mountains.   Mornings are filled with heavy fog lifting through those hills.  The bright morning sun makes the dew filled spider webs glisten  like diamonds.

The nights will soon be filled with warm bonfires, sweatshirts and children trying to squeeze in the remaining days before the snow starts to fall. ¬† ¬† In bed, the open windows will soon replace the AC and quilts filled with their own precious memories and stories with fill the room with conversations and laughter as the kids and and I will tell stories of¬†the good ‘ol days.

I switched the floral summer scents in my house to Pumpkin and lazy evenings are now spent finding new fall recipes on Pinterest.   Oh, and Starbucks in getting ready to give us some pumpkin spiced lattes!!!

Soon, we will make memories of our own as we visit the pumpkin patches, take long walks and drives, weekend trips and maybe a ghost hunt or two in October.

But for now, let me just savor the first few crisp mornings of September.

Have a beautiful and blessed Labor Day Weekend…..

 

You Should Write More.

“You should write more.”

That is what people tell me all the time.¬†¬† I have become negligent with writing, because let’s face it, who wants to read a blog from a lonely, too busy, single working mom.¬†¬† I probably wouldn’t read it either.

Most of what I write these days consist of some comedic episode that, all too frequently, happens with my kids.   I have used my blog to jot down memories recently.  The happy ones.   The ones that will make me smile 10 years from now when I sit down, more than likely by myself, and reminisce of my lovely little family and the memories we made together.  Just the three of us.

10 years from now, when my kids wont be kids anymore and they will be well on their way to becoming successful adults and possibly having families of their own, I will be able to look back and laugh at the time Adam licked the school bus windows from a rousing game of Truth or Dare.

Their first 10 years on this earth have already come and gone.   I blinked and they are both in Middle School this year.    Making friends, becoming more and more independent every day.

No one warned me….No one told me that there would be a time that I would no longer be a cuddle buddy while watching cartoons on a rainy Saturday morning.¬†¬† I can still pour the cereal, but they rush out the door to meet their friends to go to the skate park or independently walk downtown to catch Pok√©mon and grab a smoothie at the local coffee shop,¬† “Later Mom” as the door¬†swings open and they are gone before I can ask for a hug goodbye.

No one warned me of the dramatic hormonal bipolar teenage episodes that my daughter would have monthly!¬†¬† You know, the one where she hurls her body on the couch claiming 14081026_10210706397879555_755076733_nthat she is dying a week out of the month!!¬†¬†¬† I go in for a hug…GET OUT spews out of her mouth like the Demon telling the priest to leave on the Amityville Horror!!

My son’s “dating” experiences are looking to be as productive as my own social life.¬†¬† He meets them on Instagram, an hour later he changes his profile to “Taken”.¬†¬†¬†¬† Two days later they break up.¬†¬† You would think because they never really met in person or lack of communication since they just DM each other to say “Hey, WRUD?”¬†¬† Sadly, most breakups are due to one of them finding someone else they just like better!!

I didn’t understand that, until I decided to try Online Dating.¬†¬†¬†¬† Then I realized, that is EXACTLY what my son is doing on Instagram.¬† “Hey, WRUD?”¬† I respond.¬†¬†¬† There is chit chat.¬†¬† Then boredom sets in quickly and I begin to wonder, what on earth am I even doing? How did my life change so dramatically?¬†¬† I went from married to having a man pick me out of his own personal line up.

“This is how everyone meets people now!!¬†¬† My best friend just met the love of her life on (insert dating website here)”¬†¬†¬†

We live in a culture where people are too darn lazy to actually go out and have an actual face to face conversation with anyone.¬†¬† We hide behind our IPhones and computer screens.¬†¬†¬†¬† Instead of properly asking a women out, you are texted something like this, “Hey, you wanna meet somewhere for a drink?”¬†¬† Which means….“I haven’t met you in person, and I really have no idea if we will hit it off, so I am not going to waste my precious time or money on dinner.¬†¬† A drink is cheap and if I don’t like you I can leave quickly!!”¬† ¬†¬† The site that I signed up for, a man can actually send you a virtual flower!!¬†¬†¬† The tackiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life!¬†¬†¬† Oh, Thanks so much because a FREE virtual flower is so much better than the real thing!!¬† ¬†¬†14126

My life consists of a random text message, “Hey honey, wanna chat”?¬†¬†¬†¬† “What do you do for a living?”¬†¬†¬†and yes, the occasional _____ Pic!!¬†¬†¬†¬† Like I really needed to see that!!¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Ok. Thanks. Bye.

Then you find “the perfect man”.¬†¬†¬† The handsome, likeable, stay up all night talking and feeling like a teenager again man.¬†¬†¬† The one that when your phone gives the magical “ding” you immediately smile.¬†¬†¬† The one that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.¬†¬† Until you see that he has been online all day long, and reality sets in that you have willingly paid your hard earned money to¬†an online version of The Bachelor.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Warm and Fuzzies gone, and nausea sets in!

“Why don’t you write anymore?”

“Because people always think I have it all together.¬†¬†The kids and their weekly comedy routines are a great read.¬†¬† my life? Eh, not so much.¬†¬† I want people to see me smiling.¬†¬† I don’t want them to see the real me!!”¬†¬†¬†

“You are missing the chance to inspire other Single Moms that are going through the same thing.¬†¬† You are missing out on your actual calling in life.¬†¬† To be an honest, straightforward, sometimes comical, strong woman who refused to let life knock her down!!”

So I wrote!¬†¬†¬† I am hoping my pathetic attempt at parenting and dating can put a smile on your face.¬†¬† Maybe a Horrified half smile?¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Laugh at my expense!¬†¬† Go kiss your husbands ladies and thank them for loving you unconditionally!¬†¬† Try to find your kids between 14111781_10210706771208888_1981914392_npractices, school, sports and video games and tell them that you love them….if you must, DM them or Snapchat them a picture of your face looking like a dog or Ozzy Osbourne or Faceswap with the Cat!!¬†¬† Whatever you have to do, let them know that you are Right Here and if they need you, they¬†know that you are accessible and ready to give them that hug!!

As for me, I am paid up for the month on this site.   I will make the best of it.   Who knows, maybe Prince Charming might send me a virtual flower or two tonight!!    A girl can only hope!

I LOVE YOU A LOT!

Adam and Ray backseat conversations:

Adam: (Has Ray in a head lock). “Tell me you love me!!”

Ray: I love you!!!
Adam: tell me you love me A lot!!!

Ray: I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you………

Adam: (laughing)

Ray: Oh, I love you A LOT?

How Loving and Patient He Must Be….

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Jeremiah 29:11

Being a Mom is not easy.

My kids both had me in tears this morning as I was trying to get them ready for school.   My daughter wanted to use a different back pack (on the last three days of school!!!).   The straps had been tied in a knot and I was unable to get the knots untied.   Crisis!!!    Absolute-Teenage-Breakdown!!

My son, decided he would throw his own fit because his Cargo-shorts were dirty and I was going to make him wear a pair of shorts that didn’t have 7,000 pockets!¬† Apparently two pockets on a pair of shorts is not sufficient.¬†¬†¬†¬† Hence, making me the worst mother in all of the entire world!

I did it….I just walked right out of the house.¬†¬† I finally had enough.¬†¬†¬† I looked at them and proclaimed, “get ready by yourself!” and drove away.

*Before you think I really am the worst mother in all of the world, let me say that we go to my parents house every morning for breakfast.   Something that has been part of my kids routine since they were in Kindergarten*      So, as I walked out the door, Grandma was making them a healthy breakfast and looking at me with her own bit of desperation as to Why was she being punished?

I got in my car and did what any terrible mother would do.   I drove around the block a few times to cool off and came back, made sure they were ready and drove them to school.

My son was very well aware that I was not happy since¬†just the day before he also proclaimed me The worst Mom ever when I didn’t get him ice cream after I got off work, picked home up from school, took him to get his hair cut,¬†changed two flat tires on my lawn mower and mowed the grass….all while he was sitting in the garage (in the shade) playing on his IPhone 6 whining that I didn’t have any food!!¬† Grandpa, who was helping me with the mower, took him to their house, where I am sure he was served a bowl of cereal in front of the TV on the recliner!

Did he feel bad?¬† Sure he did.¬†¬† Both last night and this morning, he gave me a kiss and told me that he was sorry.¬†¬†¬†Both times, I graciously accepted his apology, and I always welcome a kiss from the most handsome (entitled, selfish Brat….OMG, I created a monster) fella in the world.

The kids, the back pack, the wrong shorts…You are the worst mother in all the world!!!¬†¬†¬†¬† I cried.¬†¬† I cried ugly tears this morning!¬†¬† I couldn’t stop crying.¬†¬†¬†The¬†never ending cycle of never being good enough.¬†¬† Not for my kids, not for my (ex) husband, not for my family, not even for myself.¬†¬† I strive to be the best.¬†¬† I exhaust myself so I can be the cool mom, the cool Aunt, the friend to everyone….I do it all because I have this overwhelming sense of needing to show people how much I love them.¬† To the point of forgetting to love myself, or¬†feeling guilty if I plan a night out to go out to dinner with a friend, or (Heaven forbid) even a date.¬†¬†¬† As I took my long drive this morning to talk with God, my question to Him was “Why?”¬† One simple sentence, This isn’t how I imagined my life.¬† ¬† Once again,¬†like most days, He didn’t answer.¬†¬† It’s ok, I know He’s pretty busy.¬†¬†¬† Instead, I counted some blessings and went on with my morning.

My life.  Unpredictable.  Chaotic.  Full of Love.  Full of family and friends (even some random adopted strangers).  Lots of laughter and even some tears.

And yes…..Even being voted The worst Mother in all of the world!

There is a song that we used to sing in Sunday School….

He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.¬†¬† It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.

How loving and patient He must be…..

He’s still working on me.

How loving and Patient He must me….

 

 

 

no ordinary life

To be continued……..

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The Toothache and the Itchy Butt

timeoutThere have been times in my life when I really just need to take a time-out.   Literally, go to my bedroom and hide from my family.  

Last week, there was no hiding!¬†¬†¬† Oh the conversations at our house….Enjoy!

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Looking in the mirror in the car on the way to the ER

“Mom, I have a toothache!”

Both¬†kids¬† had toothaches less than two weeks apart.¬†¬† First toothache brought my daughter home early from Dad’s house. (sometimes you just need your Mommy)

Second toothache sends my son screaming he’s dying and needed to go to the Emergency Room to see his Dad! (he’s a man….so in his defense he felt that death was certainly imminent, and the ER was his only solution.)¬†¬†¬†¬† I reluctantly take him to see his Dad because, to be honest, he was driving me insane.¬†¬† So, around midnight I call his father and tell him we are headed to the ER, meet me in the ambulance bay and I will wait in the car.¬†¬† Dad graciously met me outside with our son now dramatically writhing in pain, swoops him up and takes him inside.¬† I park next to dad’s truck still wearing my pajamas, because as a mom you know what is actually and Emergency situation¬†and what isn’t…..I knew there would be no reason to actually enter the Peyton Place…Oh, I mean ER…This particular night.

I think I fell asleep for a brief moment.¬†¬†The Door opened and this¬†kid jumps in the car with a giant piece of dental floss tied around his tooth.¬†¬† Toothache gone!!¬† Hmmmmm, not sure how a piece of dental floss miraculously healed him but it worked!!¬†¬†¬† Doctor Daddy’s advice….wiggle it and it will fall out!

Home….and Bed.

Then there was last night.¬†¬† The famous “ithchy butt” returned.¬†¬† I thought we had gotten over the “itchy butt’ when he stopped wrestling.

Adam:¬† “Mom, my butt is itching!”¬†¬†(I am asleep…Zzzzzz)¬†¬† “Mom, I am not kidding my butt is really itching!¬† Do you have any medicine?

Me:¬† “I don’t have medicine, go put some Vaseline on it.”

Adam:¬† (Get’s out of bed and goes into the bathroom and in typical male fashion…) “Where is it Mom?”

Me:¬† “It is sitting next to the sink!”

Adam: (2 seconds later….because he is a man!!!!) “Mom, I don’t see it!”

Me:¬†“IT IS THERE….LOOK FOR IT!!!”¬† (my voice a little more irritated hence the CAPS!)

Adam:¬† “Mom….(at this point if he says MOM one more time I’m going to lose my mind!!!!)¬† I don’t see it!”

Me: (Jumping out of bed preparing my¬†alibi for¬†when he come up missing)…..go to the bathroom, immediately pick up the Vaseline, hand it to him¬†after giving him the “you are just like your father, he could never find anything” speech.¬†¬†¬†¬† Then I leave the room to give him and his butt some privacy.

Adam:¬† (Crawls back in bed)¬† 5 minutes later…”Mom, my butt still itches!”

Me:¬† “Maybe you have worms!”

Adam:¬† “How could I have worms?¬† I have never eaten a worm!!”

Me:¬† “Please Adam, for the love of all that is Holy just go to sleep!!!”

Adam:¬† “Mom, this is really starting to irritate me!”

Me:¬† “Must you say MOM every time you talk to me?”

Adam:¬† “Mom….Oh, I mean Crystal….Is that better MOM?”

Me: (laughing)

Finally sleeeeeeep…….Zzzzzzzzz

(Don’t know what time this happened)

Adam:¬† “Mom, er um Crystal….My Butt is really really itching!”

Me:  (half awake)  Go take a shower!

Adam:¬† “I already did!”

Me:¬† “Go take another one!”

(I think I heard the shower running.)

Asleeeeeep again……Zzzzzzzz

Adam:¬† “Hey MOM!¬†¬† My butt doesn’t itch anymore!!”

(Not sure if I responded)

…….and then this happens.

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No more “Itchy Butt”

Black Friday

Quotes at my house on Black friday!

I don’t care of you go outside…just don’t kill each other.¬† And if you do, make sure there is no blood!!¬† I hate the sight of blood before breakfast!

Oh, I just burned my bacon…I better stop dancing!

Are you twerking in the fridge again?

I’m going to need you to close your eyes when you take the first bite of french toast, that way you can thank Jesus for blessing you with your awesome mom who just made killer french toast!!!

This house smells like bacon, looks like a train wreck and sounds like a dance club!!
Loving my Black Friday!!
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Thankful.

THANKFUL. GRATEFUL. BLESSED.

Whatever you want to call it,¬†’tis the season to let someone know you are thinking about them.¬† sometimes a simple Thank You or a phone call just to let them know that they are on your mind can make someone’s entire week!!!

It is also a time to reflect on what is important in your life, or maybe things you are grateful for.

How do I even begin?

Here is my thankful list in no particular order:

  1. My strong faith in God
  2. My two beautiful children
  3. The Past, Present and Future
  4. My furry kids.
  5. My Daddy
  6. My Momma
  7. Sisters
  8. Extended Family
  9. Photography
  10. Pottery
  11. Cheesecake
  12. My church family
  13. Health
  14. Teenagers
  15. Books
  16. Awanas…Kids, volunteers and the ability to make a difference in these kids lives!
  17. Chocolate
  18. Red Bull
  19. Haiti
  20. Pandora
  21. Homeschooling
  22. Passport stamps
  23. Blogging
  24. All Four Seasons
  25. My Ex Husband
  26. My squeaky ceiling fan
  27. Snooze button
  28. Cell Phone
  29. Pictures
  30. Ability to forgive
  31. …..and forget
  32. Lifetime movies
  33. Unsweetened tea
  34. Roller Coasters
  35. Sports Bras
  36. Yoga pants
  37. Naturally curly hair……and my Flat iron
  38. my couch
  39. Lawn Mower
  40. Crushed ice
  41. Matching Socks
  42. Good Night Prayers
  43. Good Morning Kisses
  44. Grass Stained Football pants
  45. Mismatched socks
  46. Frozen Blueberries
  47. Disabilities
  48. Breakfast Food
  49. Naps
  50. Netflix
  51. SnapChat
  52. Sad songs
  53. Flowers
  54. Random dancing in the kitchen
  55. Ice Cream and Milk
  56. unconditional love
  57. Missing Shoes
  58. Long Drives
  59. sleepovers
  60. Best Friends
  61. Old Friends
  62. New Friends
  63. New Relationships
  64. Cartwheels
  65. Trampolines
  66. MEMORIES!!!!

This is my short list!!!

Many blessing to each one of you who follow my Blog.    Have a happy and safe Holiday!!!

Until next time….Make your own thankful list!!!!

Homework Strikes Again!!!

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Well, it’s official.¬† I am a failure as a¬†mother.

Apparently, I have this nasty habit of trusting people.¬†¬† I look back on my life and realize that may not be the wisest thing to do, yet I continue to do it over and over again……and I continue to get disappointed.

This morning while getting my son ready for school, he tells me he didn’t finish his homework.¬† Now, that can’t be right.¬† He told me he finished his homework Monday night.¬† He also reiterated to me last night that his homework was complete and I even checked it!!!

This morning, he pulls out a math test that he made a whopping 50%.¬†(he must be Houdini, because where he “pulled out” this math test is nothing short of magic, since I just checked his folder less than 10 hours before.)

Oh wait, it get’s better…….

Mom, I need to finish this math homework!!   (he tells me 10 minutes before we leave for school)

Rushing around trying to finish math homework while he eats his cereal, I am spraying his head with a water bottle trying to tame the wild hair sticking up from his sleeping soundly with apparently no guilt at all  for lying to me about having ALL of his homework finished.

We¬†finally get in the car to head to school, and the lecture starts as I call his father and we both¬†harshly tell him the consequences¬†of not doing well in school and lying to his parents.¬†¬† Hang up from Dad as we pull into the school¬†drop off…….

Mom, this is all your fault!!!!!!

Pardon me?  What is all my fault?

You knew that I had to redo my math test so I could get a better grade!!!!!

I am Fuming by this point, certain that steam was coming out of my ears as I screamed a nasty little profanity that obviously shocked my son as he broke down and started bawling that I am the worst mom in the world!!!!

YOU HAD TO REDO YOUR MATH TEST?!?  AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?  THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS!!!!!

I squealed out of the school parking lot and headed back home to get the failed math test that he saw me take out of his folder and place on the kitchen counter this morning as he was devouring his second bowl of Corn Flakes!

I barrel into the parking lot like a NASCAR driver, put the car in park and told him to go get a pencil and his test and bring it to the car.¬†¬† What felt like “5 hours later”¬† (the famous timeline on SpongeBob) he made his way to the car.

Now let me pause for a brief minute and explain to you that 4th grade math is absolutely the most ridiculous waste of precious time in the history of the world!!!!

You have to add 500 ten thousands to 70 hundreds to 782 ones and then round them off¬† to the nearest 10s and estimate the missing numerals after writing it in expanded form……..And if you get the first answer incorrect, then the whole darn¬†test is a complete fail!!!

So, correct me if I am wrong.   I have a possible solution to kids NOT failing tests.   Check the first answer, teachers.  Then let the kids finish taking the test.  That way they wont miss the next 12  questions and fail the test.

Now, back to the story of my son…The Drama¬†Queen.

We started arguing immediately because I knew I had the FIRST answer right and he said I was totally wrong.   After 5 minutes of yelling back and forth over who was right, I called his father again.  (basically so he could tell his Father goodbye for the last time because I was getting ready to murder him)

His dad and I both did the math problem together and I WAS RIGHT!!¬† It¬† took every thing in me not to jump out of the car and do some embarrassing happy dance that would have included the “Roger Rabbit” and “The Sprinkler” followed with a “split and spirit fingers” for my grand finale.¬† But it was all cut short when my son proclaimed to his father that¬†I¬†said the “F word” to him.¬†¬† Imaginary Happy Dance over…Insert Violin music…as my son tries to have a pity party for himself at my expense.

I do not condone using profanity at your children.¬† I had already ¬†forgotten that I lost my mind and¬†even used the dreaded “F Bomb”.¬†¬† (and I am truly sorry and embarrassed that it came out of my mouth!)

By this time, He has decided he is not going to even finish the work, His dad is telling him (over the phone as I sit in the Medical school parking lot) to finish his work.   I am in tears at this point.

We are all in tears at this point!!!

Homework finally complete…I guess, unless he had other work he magically forgot to finish!!

Off to school…LATE.¬† He tells me he is not going to school because he was crying and his friends will laugh at him.¬†¬† Well, I am the one taking you to school in yoga pants, hair in a messy bun, no makuep or BRA!!!!!¬†

Finally get him out of the car, sign him in…turn around to give him a hug and kiss goodbye….he’s gone!!!¬† Houdini strikes again!

Another morning in the life of a single mom who is quite sure she is screwing everything up.

Now off to finish a deadline at work, homeschool the other Hoodlum, write a Bible lesson for class tonight, and do laundry!!!

Bible lesson entitled….even Mom’s need to ask God to forgive them!!!

Ohhhh…. there will be some apologizing tonight and some extra hugs and kisses. ¬†That is, after homework is complete!!!

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